Tips for Talking to your Family about Anxiety/OCD

Do you think it would be easier to talk to one family member first, rather than several at the same time? Is there someone you are closer with in your family? Consider who you are most comfortable talking to first, as it may be best to start there.

Set the stage for a productive conversation:

• For example, start with: “I want to talk to you about something that I have been struggling with.” 
• Hopefully, this will also set the stage for them to give you their full attention and respond in a more empathetic manner.

Although many people can understand some experience of anxiety, they may not grasp the nature of your specific worries (e.g., "What do you mean you worry about your grades... you always get A's!") or how they are getting in the way of your life.

Examples of different potential responses:

• They may respond in a supportive and empathetic manner, such as by giving you a hug and asking how they can help.
• They might respond by asking you questions about it, which you may or may not be comfortable answering. This could be done in a sensitive manner, although it could also come across as an interrogation. 
• It is also possible that your family may respond insensitively, meanly, or in an ignorant manner. They might respond by denying your experience (e.g., “There’s no way that you have anxiety/OCD; I would know!”), or they might respond in a judgmental manner (“Wow, that is really messed up to have thoughts like that”). If that occurs, we recommend that you consider their intentions before you reply back to them. Are they trying to be insensitive on purpose to make you feel bad, or might it just be that they don’t really understand anxiety/OCD and how debilitating it can be? If you think that their intentions are good, you could use the discussion as an opportunity to tell them what anxiety/OCD really is like, so that they can best support you.

Overall, be prepared for different types of responses, and take your time in responding back to them. It is important to be patient with family members as they learn more about your struggles. They might not get it at first, but we want to reinforce their openness to talking about it and learning more.

Make a list of all of your symptoms, so they can better understand how anxiety/OCD impacts you. It can be helpful to think about an average day, from the time you wake up, until the time you go to sleep. Think about all the daily activities throughout your day (e.g., daily hygiene, getting dressed, eating, attending school, interactions with peers and/or family members, extracurricular activities), as this will often help you remember all the anxiety/OCD-related behaviors that you may exhibit.

If you are working with a therapist, there are checklists that can also help you identify anxiety/OCD symptoms, which can then be used as a basis of information to share with parents/caregivers or family members.

The decision of how much to share is up to you. For example, it may be uncomfortable to discuss certain content with parents/caregivers, such as intrusive sexual thoughts, fears of bad things happening to parents, symptoms that relate to family members, private ritualistic behaviors, or symptoms that violate one’s cultural or religious teachings.

Focus on the purpose of the conversation, and that can guide how much you decide to share. Are you telling them so that they can provide you with empathy and support? Do you want them to know you are struggling, so that they can help you find a therapist to get help? When you reflect on the purpose of the discussion, you may not have to tell them everything to achieve your goal.

It is human nature for others to be curious about the specifics of your symptoms, but that does not mean that you have to disclose more detail than you are ready to discuss. In such cases, simply tell them that you appreciate their concern, but you are not yet ready to discuss the specifics at this time, and that you hope to be able to open up more in the future after you have gotten some help from a specialist.

You could provide them with handouts and brochures from the International OCD Foundation or the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, or visit OCD in Kids or the IOCDF Homepage.

Have them check out the the "Parents/Guardians" section of this Anxiety in the Classroom site, and/or th IOCDF's resources geared towards families of individuals with OCD.

Watch documentaries with them on anxiety/OCD, such as UNSTUCK: An OCD Kids Movie, or Uncovering OCD: The Truth About Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. There are also documentaries on anxiety, such as Angst. Watch these documentaries together, as this may help improve their understanding of what you are going through. These documentaries can also be used as an ice breaker to further discussion.  

Encourage them to check out the IOCDF on Facebook or YouTube, as there are a ton of interviews with experts and affected individuals, on various topics related to anxiety/OCD.

This includes what TO do, and what NOT to do. For instance, many caregivers with good intentions end up becoming the “anxiety/OCD police.” They may constantly ask you if a behavior is due to your anxiety/OCD, or may constantly remind you to challenge your symptoms. Unfortunately, that may only stress you out more, or it may negatively impact your relationship. Work with a therapist to determine what role your family can play in best supporting you, and what that should look like in terms of their actual involvement and behavior.

Let them know that anxiety/OCD is not something to joke about. 

Discuss whether it may be helpful for them to talk to any siblings or other family members about ways to support you.

Ideally, these plans should be established in conjunction with a therapist. For instance, your anxiety/OCD may cause you to want to seek reassurance, and it is good to have a plan for how these requests will be handled. This might include an agreed-upon limit of questions or reassurance, or a parent/caregiver might encourage you to use skills that you have learned in treatment.

Consider attending one of the IOCDF's conferences - including the Annual OCD Conference and the Online OCD Camp - which provide opportunities for youth and their families to learn more about OCD and ways to manage it.

See if there is an IOCDF Affiliate in your area, as there may be local events in your community!

This might be by expressing appreciation for their willingness to listen.

You might let them know that you were nervous about talking to them about your difficulties, but that it is a relief to no longer be dealing with the disorder(s) on your own.

Let them know what it means to you to be able to talk to them about what you are going through, and hopefully that will set the stage for continued dialogue that will only help you be there to support each other!